10 things I wish I knew before turning 30

When I was a child, I thought adults had it all together. Then I became an adult and realized that we’re all just grown-up kids with jobs trying to survive in this world. I’m going to be 30th in a little less than a month and it’s almost hard to believe that time has flown so quickly.

Back in the days of the stoic philosophers, I’d already be nearing death with the average lifespan of 35 years old. While today, with technology and the age of modern medicine keeping us healthier than ever (in some ways), I’m still “young” (at least, that’s what the prior generation keeps telling me).

I’m too young for a mid-life crisis, but too old to be in the “cool kids” club. I’m at THAT age — where the 90's are now a “theme” for parties.

Ahh…the good old days of Mr. Rogers, Nickelodeon, Pokemon, Sunday Morning Cartoons, jamming out to N’Sync, Britney Spears, Christina Aguilera, walking around with a CD Walkman to listen to music before the invention of the MP3 player. Oh…and the last generation to use floppy disks!

I have seen technology grow rapidly than ever imagined within the past 30 years, and it still feels like I’m still stuck in the good old days of the 90's. Now we’re heading to the roaring 20s again.

I’ve learned you’re only as old as you feel though. And to be honest, I feel older than 30, but at times, I feel like I’m still a teenager at heart. Maybe I’m just an old soul in a young woman’s body but I’ve learned to be okay with that.

I’ve learned a lot of things in my “young” life, and as I’ve gotten older, I wish I could have told “youthful” me some wise advice I’ve learned since I’ve gotten to this age.

1. Age is just a number when you’re an adult.

God, I’ve met so many people of all different ages and walks of life, and learned that just because a person may be older or younger — it doesn’t define their emotional maturity age. As I’m nearing 30, I’m only surrounding myself with people who have the same emotional maturity age as me, whether you’re 15 or 50. If you’re a person that is emotionally mature, transparent, open, and tries to maintain some level of consciousness in their day to day interactions and has intellectual depth, I’m happy to get to know you.

2. Self love is the most important thing you can own in your adulthood.

It took me losing 150lbs just to gain it all back again to realize that my weight was never the issue — it was learning to love myself fully. It took me gaining my weight back before hitting age 30 to realize that the reason I gained my weight back was because I didn’t have the self-love to keep it off. It wasn’t about motivation, or inspiration. It was about learning to LOVE myself harder than I’ve loved anything in my life in order to realize that my body is my only vessel on this planet, and in order to be alive on this planet, I have to take care of it. I learned a lot of lessons on my weight loss journey and while the nutritional and fitness tips are all valid — they didn’t teach me how to love myself. That was a “me” job. It took me a while to “own” myself, but once I did, I realized that I can accept myself for who I am, with my current weight and lifestyle and move towards a positive lifestyle.

3. Be yourself, authentically.

Growing up as a kid who was bullied constantly, it was so hard to be myself. But, I learned that when you are your authentic self, you start to gravitate towards the right people in your life, or they actually gravitate to you. You just have to be willing to put yourself out there. Most of the time, the path is lonely until you meet those on the same frequency as you, and then you feel proud of who you are and how far you’ve come. I used to think I was alone, and that no one would ever understand me, only to realize there are so many who do, all because I chose to be authentic to my true self and express that with the right people.

4. The world is a cold dark place, but it’s like coffee — you choose how you make your cup.

No one asked to be born, but here we are. We’re born from a cold dark place and then we start to develop a brain to understand the world around us. From our consciousness, we can choose the lens in which we see the world around us.

Coffee itself is served black, but human beings get so creative and make their own unique brews that make them happy. Some people like their coffee ice cold and black, and some people like their coffee with a lot of cream and sugar, and I tend to love the people get super creative and start coming up with these fancy names for coffee like “latte, cappuccino, macchiato, espresso…” etc., but you get my drift (can you tell I’m not normally a coffee drinker?). Some people like french vanilla, caramel, hazelnut…but at the end of the day, we’re all in just one giant cup of coffee deciding what flavor we like best. Sometimes that flavor can change — but hey, that’s the cool thing about being human. We can always decide how we want to see the world.

And personally, I like to make my cup with a lot of sugar, and lots of cream, because I like to see the world as having a bit of brightness and sweetness in the dark abyss we call life.

5. Not everyone is your friend.

This was the hardest lesson to learn. As a teenager, I thought everyone was my “friend”. The term is defined so loosely these days, but friendship is deeper than someone that you talk to just because you have the same interests. I can count all my “friends” on both hands. Friends are people who look out for you, and have your best interest in mind, even if you don’t always agree with their viewpoint. The point is, they’re looking out for you because they want what’s best for you. They show up for you when it matters the most.

6. Sometimes friends become family.

Not everyone is a friend, but sometimes you met those friends who become like family. I’m so blessed to have realized this as I’ve gotten older. I’ve met so many dear friends who have become like blood family to me. They’re from all different walks of life, but at the end of the day, they feel like home, and that’s what family is — people who feel like home.

7. It is better to make a positive change and struggle, than to stay comfortable and complacent.

This statement does not apply to everything in life, but it does apply to things that are no good for you — like a toxic job, relationship, or lifestyle. This was another hard life lesson to learn. I’ve spent years in toxic relationships because I’ve gotten “comfortable”. I spent a few years in a toxic job because I got complacent and didn’t want any major life changes in my life. I spent a few years in a toxic body because I stayed comfortable. Keyword: COMFORT. It’s a good and bad thing at times, but it wasn’t until I changed jobs, changed relationships, and changed my eating habits that I started to realize that positive change is not easy, but it’s always worth the struggle. ALWAYS.

8. Marry your best friend.

I cannot stress this enough. When you get married, you are spending the rest of your life with ONE person and that person sure as hell better be your best friend, or you’re in for a miserable ride. This is the person that becomes your family. They become the person you grow old with. You see them at their worst, and at their best and love them no matter what. I was in a relationship with someone who didn’t want to be my “best friend”. He wanted to keep me as just a “girlfriend” and didn’t want to talk about deep things, or know about my day-to-day life, and got frustrated when I tried to build that bond with him, because he was just looking for someone beneath him and chose the “bros before hoes” mentality (toxic masculinity at it’s worst). Then I realized I had my best friend who was in my life for 12 years, and through it all, he was the best person to start a relationship with, because we already knew each other, but we grew to know each other on a deeper level, and that was not without struggle, but it was with so much love. And like I said above — good things in life are worth the struggle and I’m so happy I learned that before I turned 30.

9. The world is full of people who will judge you, but don’t let their judgement change you.

This was another hard lesson to learn. All my life I’ve felt judged by so many people. I was too much, too “this” and too “that”…at one point too thin or too fat. Whatever.

People will always judge you, but it’s up to you to decide if you’re going to let that judgement bother you.

Just keep being you. Let the world judge, because at the end of the day, all you have to do is be happy with who you are and the choices you make. It’s simple — don’t let their judgments complicate your life.

10. Be grateful, everyday.

Gratitude is another important thing I learned before hitting 30. Life is short, so we have to be grateful for the time we have to live this life. As you hit 30, you start to see the cycle of life more clearer than ever before. It’s important to appreciate the people and things you have in your life because we’re only ever given one moment, and that moment is now. It’s hard to stay grateful at times when you feel frustrated or tired, but it’s easy to remind yourself of how much you have when you start showing your thanks for the little things. It really is the little things that matter most in life. Express your gratitude and love to whose in your life, because you never know when the reaper comes to take someone way, so enjoy life to the fullest by staying in a state of gratitude. THANK YOU UNIVERSE FOR THIS ABUNDANCE!

I learned a lot in my youth, and now I get to impart some of my wisdom onto the world. One thing for sure is, I’ll always be learning and growing, no matter what age I become.

-Cecilia J. Sanders