I used to be a runner and truthfully, I still am
I used to be a runner.
I didn’t want to be, but I stumbled upon the idea of getting into races during my fitness lifestyle that lasted from 2014 to 2017.
After my first race, the Mermaid 5K, I was hooked.
Nothing made me as happy as running. It was the one time in my life where I had felt at peace, and truly happy in the moment.
As someone with ADHD, there’s nothing like finally achieving that state in your brain where you’re in the moment and nothing else is racing, except your body.
You would think it would suck when you think about what happens when you start running.
You start to get sweaty
Your heart is racing
You feel your muscles pushing you
You become out of breath
You’re beginning to wonder if you can even make the 3.1 miles you signed up for.
Then somewhere, (out of nowhere) after pushing yourself in a state of cardio running for about 10 to 15 minutes, it hits you:
Euphoria.
Peace.
Release.
Stress, sorrow, pain and worry all disappeared.
That was my Runners High.
Not everyone achieves that, but I definitely did, and it pushed me to run more and more.
It didn’t matter that you still had miles to go, you felt good doing it.
When I tell people how much I used to love running, they’d give me a look like “Eww, brother eww”. Truthfully, the first 10 minutes of running are the worst. It doesn’t immediately happen. You have to force yourself at first to run, but you know at some point it will kick in.
That was my motivating factor.
When I was getting into physical fitness at the start of 2015, the first major thing I trained for and completed was climb Grouse Mountain and boy, I hated it!
There was no “rocky mountain high” for me.
I didn’t get euphoria climbing higher in elevation.
I didn’t feel happy looking down at how far I was climbing.
I didn’t even stop to enjoy the woods I was in climbing upwards. I was miserable.
I’m sure some people feel that way about running, which to be fair, I can understand.
A lot of people seem to be super big into climbing “14ers” and doing these hikes in high elevations. It’s a no from me.
Even if I was physically fit again, I wouldn’t do it. I hate walking in high elevation, let alone trying to climb or run.
Now don’t get me wrong, I’m obsessed with mountains, they bring me peace just by looking at them, just not climbing them.
During this time of peak physical fitness in my life after 150lbs of weight loss, I was ready to take on the world!
But, life happened. Death happened.
I lost a part of me when my soul cat died when I climbed that mountain. Zoey. Her name meant life.
Her death didn’t mean my life was over, but it felt like it.
I had to push through my sorrow and pain and realize that her name had meaning to me. The day she died is the day I climbed that mountain. I used all of that emotion to push me through a journey I didn’t think I could finish.
Then I signed up for races in her memory.
I signed up for the Mermaid 5K and when I trained for running at the gym, I absolutely had runners high while training.
I didn’t train outdoors, but in hindsight I should have, because it was a totally different ballgame to me. That day it ended up raining and I ran 3.1 miles in the rain soaking wet by the time I finished and despite feeling miserable, I still had that runners high that got me through.
I did the hot chocolate 5K after that one, and I just knew I became addicted.
I used running as a way to help cope with all the changes happening in my life. In a way, I was “running away” from the stress, sorrow and pain I had.
It was a healthy coping mechanism and I loved every second I ran.
I decided I had to challenge myself even more! I ran in rain, heat, and then I signed up for the winter Viking 5K race and the first race was in 15 degree weather. I was so cold and miserable and honestly, I didn’t get runners high from that race. The cold was awful.
But I must have had some endorphins to get me through because the next year I signed up for a SECOND Viking 5K only to suffer the bitter cold once more.
By 2018, I gained weight due to injuries, depression, and unhealthy coping mechanisms but I still made it to the Wonder Woman Race which was the most painful race I’ve ever done. I didn’t think I was going to complete the 3.1 miles. My weight gain made running impossible. I still had a passion for it though.
I still felt relieved completing it and pushing myself the past few years.
Fast forward in 2024, I have two dogs that have that exact same passion for running as me. They helped me move by getting out to walk more but still haven’t ran with them. Unfortunately, all those years later I gained all my weight back plus more but I’ve done everything in my power to keep my dogs happy, healthy, lean and physically active!
I’ve enrolled my service dog, Bentley, into AKC dog races called FastCAT 100 yard dashes. Like any working individual, they need hobbies and fun things to do too! Seeing the photos of him happy while running made me feel some type of way.
It made me remember what that runner’s high was like.
In Bentley, I saw the same things I felt years ago:
The joy
The smiles
The determination
The speed
The endurance
But ultimately- happiness.
It made me realize that I can do it again too.
I saw how much he really enjoys running as a sport, and it reminded me of who I was back in 2016 with all the races I did.
I may not have human children, but he lives through me and my passions. Seeing him is like seeing a dog version of my personality — from emotions, to work ethic, to the things he is passionate about. He’s my soul dog. He’s happy go lucky, sweet, but super introverted. He prefers to be left alone but he always wants to be with his favorite people (pack).
I will be cleaning my past award section that was for my running accomplishments, to add his achievements and race awards to the mix so it motivates me to lose weight so I can run like I once did.
Bentley is on his way for his first title — BCAT, and hopefully, after a hundred or more so races, eventually FCAT.
He is my motivation to get back into my passion for running again. Truthfully, my passion never died, just a huge part of me did.
But now I have a reason to keep going.
A reason to get back into shape.
A reason to be a runner again.
Because quite frankly, parts of us die all the time, but our passions don’t.
I’m still a runner, just now I’m living through him.
