Pushing through the comfort zone, and why it’s only scary while you’re in it
Ah, the comfort zone!
It’s where stability meets indifference…or at least that’s how I’ve viewed during a few pivotal moments in my life.
I was talking to a friend the other day about my growth and how far I’ve come along in my own career path. It made me realize that sometimes sharing your own journey and experience with others can help others who need that extra push in their life.
I’m sure you all have read some of the most popular quotes on the comfort zone such as:
Life begins at the end of your comfort zone.
A comfort zone is a beautiful place but nothing ever grows there.
A ship in a harbor is safe, but that’s not what ships are for.
You need to step out of your comfort zone.
They’re all the rage these days with influencers and coaches using inspirational quotes like these to help people grow, or in some cases trying to sell them something by taking a “risk” to try something new (trust me, I’ve seen these phrases way overused just to sell a product).
I was a life coach for a short period of time. I spent time trying to help people push past their comfort zones to achieve greater things; like career growth, healthier relationships, and weight loss habits.
Most importantly, I wanted people to believe they deserved better. That’s why I coached.
Staying comfortable for a bit until you know what you want is totally fine and healthy for some, but there comes a point where staying in your comfort zone for some situations can become dangerous or harmful to yourself or others, i.e. abusive relationships, addictions, toxic workplaces, etc.
It’s not always necessary to leave your comfort zone, but when things get bad enough, it becomes an absolute priority to put stability behind you in order to be safe, healthy, and happy.
There comes a point where you might realize you had enough of a situation.
Comfort zone, meet breaking point.
Out of these breaking points, this is where real change can begin.
I couldn’t coach on this topic until I lived it myself and fully understood it.
I had to balance out what parts of my life deserved positive change, and what parts CAN and SHOULD stay comfortable.
Like I mentioned before, it’s okay to be comfortable in some situations, but there are other situations where you need to determine the road you want to take in life.
The analysis part of this stage in your life is just as important as the change itself. This is where you can really determine what’s going to benefit you in the long run.
The funniest part about being stuck in the comfort zone is that change is only scary when you’re in it. Once you push past that zone and actually make the change, you realize it’s not as scary as it seems.
It’s so easy to overanalyze and overthink a situation.
I should know.
I grew up an introvert. I’m also a highly sensitive person (HSP) and an empath.
I’m also an INFJ.
But hey, let’s not forget the add-ons that come with this package: anxiety, ADHD, and the occasional bouts of seasonal depression.
Let’s talk about a rollercoaster of many different types of emotions, thought processes and personality traits in one human being (and that human being is me)!
I’m the perfect combination of WANTING stability, wanting to stay comfortable, and absolutely being anxious of growth — even if I knew I deserved more, or deserved better.
Back when I started my career in IT and Agile Software Management, I wasn’t quite sure of the road I wanted to be on. When I landed my first real job doing project management type of work, I loved it but along the way, I went through a few difficult experiences to get to the good ones.
Early on in my career, when a job didn’t offer me the growth or opportunity I was looking for, I was absolutely terrified to leave to find something new. I would stay out of comfort.
I also made excuses to myself to thinking that staying a long time at a company would show future employers I was stable. I didn’t want to leave ship because things got hard. I wanted to show how much I could persevere through all of it.
At one point in my life, I got comfortable with doing the same thing even though I wasn’t satisfied.
It‘s incredibly easy to justify staying uncomfortable for the sake of stability.
As I used to phrase it:
“Do you want to stay uncomfortable and miserable just to be stable, or would you rather be uncomfortable for a little bit to be happy in your life in the long run.”
I came up with so many excuses though to justify staying comfortable.
I was good at that.
“I already know the processes. I already know the people. I know how to do it. It provides a stable income. I don’t have to worry…Maybe I should just stay. The job market is volatile right now…I don’t want to be unemployed. I don’t want to take a risk where I can’t weigh my options…etc.”
Yet on the same coin, I was complaining every day. I was miserable. I hated how things changed. I hated the monotony. I hated that growth was offered as an opportunity, but every time I showed that I deserved better, I let others decided what I deserved until I took matters into my own hands.
I had to roar for myself.
I had to give myself a voice — something I was terrified to do.
My anxiety tried to convince me of all the things that could go wrong instead of all the things that could go right if I did what was right for my growth.
“What if the new job doesn’t last? What if you get let go? What if management changes on you? What if you don’t like it? What if things get too hard? What if it’s not what it seems? What if people see you as an imposter?”
There’s a list of what-ifs that I had to shut down from my mind over time.
This pretty much happened every time I left a job whenever I felt that I wasn’t valued, appreciated, or getting what I wanted out of life or my career growth.
I was very aware of the signs that would prohibit my own personal growth, however comfort has always been my closest friend. It was what I chose because I hated feeling insecure and uncomfortable.
There’s nothing I love and crave more than stability.
However, over time, I realized that these insecure and uncomfortable feelings fade pretty quickly once you make a change that actually benefits and enriches your life.
9 times out of 10, the anxiety is coming from the comfort zone begging you to stay.
Once you make the choice, it’s only intimidating at the beginning.
Trusting the process has always been hard for me, but I can tell you that every time I did, it was always worth it.
I’ve had to learn to replace thought patterns and change the “What-Ifs” to the best case scenario type of thinking for my brain to calm down.
That meant putting my anxiety in a corner for one day, and focusing on all the things that can go right if I make that change.
It’s making my brain say:
“What if it’s everything you ever wanted? What if you can finally grow into what you’ve been wanting to be? What if you meet great people who appreciate you and value you as a person? What if you meet new friends or cool people to talk to that you’ll enjoy? What if it’s better than the last job?”
It’s hard to view things in a positive way at times, especially when change has always been difficult for me.
There were a lot of times I stayed in bad situations because I was comfortable, i.e. bad relationships. Other times, it was because I felt that I didn’t deserve better, or deserve true happiness. All of that was the comfort zone speaking to me.
All of those limiting beliefs were lies.
I did deserve better.
I did deserve happiness.
I did deserve freedom, and the ability to live my authentic truth.
I just had to look past all of my fear and insecurity to trust in myself that I was doing the right thing, and for all the right reasons.
Once I knew that, it didn’t matter what could go wrong. All that mattered is that I invested in myself and took a risk for myself.
Even if a job didn’t work out, or things changed, I could proudly say I always put 1000% into everything I did, and when I walked away, it was because I needed to for my own health, sanity, and happiness.
Every situation that led me to where I’m at, I’m extremely grateful for, however I’m more grateful that I had the courage to always do right by myself at the end of the day.
As much as those comfort zone quotes have become very cliché, they’re all true. It’s important to realize that fear comes and goes, but once you make that push once, you can do it again.
Once you tell your mind that you want better— go for it.
Don’t let anxiety rob you of an amazing life that you never knew you could have if you just stayed comfortable.
